Thought for the day:"Reasoning with some people is like talking into a tin can; they tell you exactly what you just said, only louder, which makes their words sound hollow. "
My new favorite verse is 2 Corinthians 10:12. "For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. (Here's my favorite bit) But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise." The picture in my mind as I read this verse is that of a man saying to himself, "Hey, look how far I've come! I used to do all of this stuff, and then I decided I wanted to change my life, so I stopped doing all of that bad stuff, and now I'm a pretty good person!" When we start evaluating ourselves according to how far we've come or improved, according to our standards, we look foolish. Because our eyes are on ourselves, everyone can see what we cannot; we are not yet like Christ, but we act like we've made it. Keep your eyes on the REAL model, the TRUE standard. Just because you've cut your swearing down a bit and go to church MOST Sundays doesn't mean you've made it...

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills (I will look up and beyond my own strength and wisdom)
From whence comes my help? (Why am I staring upwards? Just wait...)
My help comes from the Lord
Who made heaven and earth. "(Because when you look up, all you see is the vastness that is the sky, and you are reminded that the God who spoke THAT into being with one breath carefully planned and orchestrated you, and the problem that seemed so big a moment ago is nothing to Him.)
"He will not allow your foot to be moved; (when you stand on His promises He will uphold you.)
He who keeps you will not slumber
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither sleep nor slumber." (He's not going to be caught off guard by you or anyone else.)
"The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day
Nor the moon by night." (He will shelter you and ensure your safety, even if it doesn't look the way you expected it to.)
"The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul. (Circumstances may be dire, and your body may even take a hit, but the part of you that is eternal shall be eternally His.)
The Lord shall preserve your coming out and your going in,
From this time forth, and even forevermore."

I will lift up my eyes...

No eloquent words for me today. I just want to make note of the fact that I love the prairie at night. You can see every single star, the milky way looks milky, and a shooting star is nearly a guarantee. The sky is so vast I got lost looking for familiar constellations. I found the Big Dipper! I know Orion is around there somewhere, but the thousands of stars I couldn't see before suddenly sprang to life and obscured my view. I think I finally found him, but it took a while. I could lay out for hours under the stars, searching for the known and unknown shapes, thinking about God, creation, eternity, contemplating the truly important things in life. Perhaps when it gets too cold for mosquitoes I'll spread my blanket and stay awhile under the stars...pondering the existence of mosquitoes...

Songs trigger memories, some as strong as the day they were made, some we'd rather forget, and some that have faded to nothing more than a feeling.
Doris Day's "Secret Love" came on the radio today and I was, for an instant, swept back to the warmth of my parent's room so many years ago.
Our Sunday evening tradition was to pop a double-thick brown paper grocery bag full of popcorn, cut up a few veggie sticks, and watch our favorite movies. Calamity Jane was our all-time favorite. When the Deadwood Stage came rolling down the road, Doris had her own crew of back-up singers right there in the room.
The room was all braids and glasses and braces, an hour or two of sequestered bliss. Kids were piled anywhere they could find space. There was usually a race for the bed, a brief tussle, and the losers got the floor.
Elbow to elbow, we'd lay with our chins in our hands, popcorn disappearing from our bowls as quick as we could put it away. No one wanted to be last in line for seconds.
I still remember Pat's wrinkly nose grin that revealed the damage he'd done to his upper lip in a tricycle accident years before. Dan, her thick mousy-blonde hair in a long braid that was quite tousled by the end of the day, had a laugh that made her eyes sparkle with mischief. Kim would get so lost in the movie, her curl-framed face would screw itself into seriousness with her "I want to be her" look.
Thanks to Doris for her bittersweet time machine that allows me to hold my family in that moment...forever.

It is with mixed emotions that I delve into the world that is my mind. Swirling with questions, feelings, doubts and hopes, it is a treacherous world that only the bravest dare enter, myself only reluctantly included.

There are thoughts I wish to block out entirely, yet they remain constant beggars at my door. I command them to leave and they only cry out more insistently.

Then there are the thoughts, the ones I want most to dwell on, that always seem just out of reach. Slipping through cracks, ducking round corners, tripping through the dusty hallways in the back of my mind are the answers to every question, the very things that will set my heart at ease.

I find myself joined in a battle with the unwanted who come willingly to torment me, whilst simultaneously pursuing the very desires of my heart that flee before me. I am weary with pondering and wrestling. I am ready to lay down my meager weapons and allow the one who is much stronger than I to do battle in my stead.

"I’m in love with Montana. For other states I have admiration, respect, recognition, even some affection. But with Montana it is love. And it’s difficult to analyze love when you’re in it."
~John Steinbeck

Avalon and Sleep Panda went everywhere together. They ate breakfast together. They napped together. They played in the yard together. They even went to dance class. They decided to take up kickboxing instead. One day, they went to the zoo. Avalon introduced Sleep Panda to his Panda family. It was very exciting. Another day they got lost in the Museum of Natural History. Sleep Panda helped find their way back to the family. Avalon and Sleep Panda also shared corner time.

One day, Avalon could not find Sleep Panda. She searched hi. She searched low. She even looked inside the neighbor’s cat. No Panda in sight.

Avalon could not sleep. Where could Sleep Panda be? Outside, alone, in the dark? Or, even worse, had another kid found him and taken him home? Avalon shook mommy awake and together they searched the house for the millionth time. No Panda.

Morning came and Avalon was cranky. No Panda to share breakfast. No Panda to help pick out her clothes. No Panda to protect her from daddy’s morning tickle-fight. “Eat your breakfast, punkin, mommy needs to do some laundry and then we’ll go grocery shopping.” Grocery shopping was no fun without Panda. Mommy started cleaning up breakfast dishes and was loading them in the dishwasher. Avalon brought her plate over and started to put it in the top rack, when she noticed a little black and white ear sticking out from underneath a bowl. “Panda!” Out came Panda, a little damp and smelling like milk, but none the worse for wear. “I’m glad you found him, but what was he doing in the dishwasher?” asked Mommy. “He needed a bath?” suggested Avalon. Mommy shook her head and laughed. Pulling Avalon and Panda close she squeezed them tight and kissed them both on the head. “I’m glad you found him, but let’s keep the dishwasher baths to the dishes, ok?” Avalon nodded, and skipped off to her room, Panda by her side. She was so happy to have Panda back, she didn’t mind his new smell or wet nose. Besides, she thought, there’s always the toilet!

The shadows grew as they lay huddled in the corner, too stiff and tired to move. The way had been difficult, and even Toller lay in a heap, panting and twitching.
Had the children each known the thoughts of the other, they might have given up altogether, for even as Gwen smiled and cajoled, she longed to turn her feet towards home. Fin had kept a steady pace and held Gwen when she fell, guiding her through the roughest parts, all the while scared to death of the road ahead. Yet both remained silent, allowing the other to press on in ignorance. And so they slept.
Morning arrived dark and damp, yet even at this hour footsteps could be heard outside. Father is off hunting very early, thought Gwen as she snuggled deeper into the downy comfort of her bed. I wonder why he did not wake me to say goodbye?
Plop.
Gwen reached up in her sleep to wipe away...a raindrop?
It's raining in my bed.
Plop. Plop.
What?
Plop, plop, plop, plop.
The rain fell faster and harder, until it was a wall, a sheet of water pouring from the ceiling, through the hall. It was coming for her. She could hear her father running back to the house, running, the gravel crunching beneath his feet, running, rain pouring in the windows, beating at the roof, her body, rain beating her, and now she was running, running from the storm, running down the road, nowhere to hide, soaking, crying, running, where could she hide?! Where, where, whe -
Gwen jerked awake, eyes wide with fright, staring straight into the eyes of - "Toller! Ewww, Toller, no!" Gwen wiped her slobbery face on her shirt as Toller stood grinning with the satisfaction of having awakened her. "Fin, wake up and take care of your dog."
Fin, after a severe shaking, grudgingly awoke. He opened his mouth to protest, but the words never left his mouth. The sound of footsteps could be heard on the other side of the wall, and this time it was no dream.

Joy. Wild ecstasy. Throw your head back, laugh in the face of life, joy. Every breath deeper and sweeter than the last, flying on the back of the wind, soaring , rising, watching the landscape fall away, leaving the shell of yourself below, the core of you finally free to dance with the wings of the dawn.

One day every knee will bow
And every tongue confess
That you are Lord of all we see
A King, who reigns with righteousness
The angels gather, throngs will sing
With adoration, to this King
Who, with selfless grace did fling
Away His rights and humbly stay
On earth as man, with men to live
His very flesh and blood to give
And make a way that we might see
His glory for eternity
That we, no better than the mud
Are chosen His eternal bride
Is like a story from a dream
A dream that waking does not fade
But we, with unveiled faces shine
The brighter as He draws us nigh
And as the flower tracks the sun
Our hearts are ever His alone